Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
