God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We're too hungover to prance.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
