I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
whose parrot is this?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
