oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
