I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
