She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
