My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
