he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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