Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
