i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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