so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
