what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
