You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
