I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
