shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
