So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
