I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize