My cat gives me a boner
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
