dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
