I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
