By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
4 words: hood of his car
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
