mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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