I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
