some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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