Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
organizing the empties. That sober.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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