it's too hot outside to masturbate.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
