i permit you to call me
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
