I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My pussy is not your playground.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
