hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
