she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize
