dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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