Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
