Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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