some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
