Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize