I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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