My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
