I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
