The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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