Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
