I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
