HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
