The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
