i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
