The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
