No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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