Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
