The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
