JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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