I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
