I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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