you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Text me some of your sweat
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
