My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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