she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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