i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
