I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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