Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
