I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
