My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
