Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
