Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
