Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i came on her dog
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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