what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
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