eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
