i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
