i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
