He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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