the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
