So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
