Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
