I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
